5/23/2012 Going Back Home Today realized how much I miss my parents, and how badly I want to see them. For once, I took the time to think about what I look like to them when I go back home. I know that they’ve only seen me leave and arrive once during the fall semester, but if I stand to think about it… I left so happy and energized to begin the semester at Columbia. I wanted to conquer the world… When I returned for Christmas break I feel like they were shocked. I returned quiet, exhausted, drained. I wonder what thoughts passed through their heads when they saw me. We were supposed to visit some family in Mexico, but we almost stayed behind so they could let me sleep. I slept so much those first couple of days back home. I still remember my dad told me to watch out for drugs, as if I had the time for that during school. I wish they could, or maybe they do, understand how difficult it is to be in New York City by myself. They say I shouldn’t isolate myself, but I feel like most of the time I do. I’m usually alone. I try to study, but I have figured out that it doesn’t really matter. I always score the same. This semester was even harder than the last. When I return, will I look the same? I feel like I’ll look even worse. I feel like I go to Columbia to exhaust myself and return home to recuperate. Next semester it will be even harder. Will I be able to endure it all four years?
I always knew that I attended a wealthy school, but I didn’t realize just how wealthy until last night. I admit that I rummaged through the pile of clothing for donation. Needless to say, I pulled out a Micheal Kors jacket with the tag, a Marc Jacobs scarf, a J Crew tee, and some Banana Republic Sweaters. There was a whole lot of other stuff that didn’t fit me, if not I would have taken more. I wish I felt some sort of shame, but I don’t. New wardrobe!
A lot of people say that you should enjoy your youth… Party, drink, have fun, etc. I feel like I rarely do any of these things, but it’s not like I feel like it. Most of the time I don’t have the mood to go dancing or anything. I’ve only drank once in my life, and I acted very much unlike myself… Drugs are a huge no, but I do remember a time when I enjoyed dancing and joking around. What happened to that part of me…? When did I suddenly grow up? I wonder… it used to be so easy back then… Will I one day look back at my life and feel like I didn’t “live”?
I was walking up the stairs towards the Wallach Sky Lounge. I totally pictured myself as a an orphan kid eagerly sprinting to see something exciting… except I met my Chemistry test instead…. I have no clue why it happened, maybe something about the architecture of the building.
Earlier today I remembered something that happened to me in Kindergarten. The class was taking a small math test that involved simple addition. I remember taking the test and finishing it quite fast. I thought it was super easy; however, it turned out that everyone in the class had gotten a hundred, and I was the only one that got one question wrong. I remember everyone else, but me, received a chocolate Snicker. As I sat in the round table with all my classmates, watching them eat their snickers, I swore to myself that I would become a smarter and more successful person than them when I grew up…… I think it’s going pretty good so far.